The air was light, soft and sweet and I could breathe easily and normally as I could years ago, before I showed the first signs of the Asthma that my dear old dad had always suffered from. He may have passed the lung weakness on to me during my childhood when both of my parent smoked quite heavily. My dad smoked roll ups, that he taught me how to make for him with a little mechanical device. My mum started smoking when she was in hospital for months after smashing her jaw in seven places in a fast downhill fall from her bike, when the mudguard slipped down under her wheel and she was thrown over the handlebars. The Red Cross gave out cigarettes in the hospital she was taken to, which actually was a burns unit in East Grinstead.
I could fully inhale the fresh warm air, not the shallow breathing I had got used to being my limit over many years; my free easy breathing felt as it had when I was a child, young and strong. My lungs were not tight at all, which was a marvel in itself. I knew that I was dead immediately, but that knowledge was not distressing even with the thought that some of the people I knew might be sad that I was gone, my husband, family and friends. I knew who cared and who did not and I smiled lovingly at the thought of those who had cared about me. There was no pressure either physical nor mental. All worry, all concern, all stress had evaporated in the haze.
As I gazed into the distance over the throng of faces, a million strong throng there in heaven, all the faces looked happy and at peace.
The aches and pains that had been such a plague of late to my octogenarian body had slipped away, replaced by a gentle freedom of movement that I cannot remember even when I was a teenager dancer, an acrobat, tap and ballet dancer.
The reward for my arrival was the bliss of knowing that this was not a dream, not a dream at all. This was not simply wishful thinking, to have cares and torments removed. This was a joyous place, where I floated face to face with friends and relatives that I had loved when they were still in their earthly bodies. There was no endless flight, no climbing a heavenly stair to be greeted by the Archangel Gabriel as I had always imagined, no passing through the pearly gates after my sins had been forgiven. Instead, a sea of love enfolded me, wrapping me in soft warmth and ethereal bliss. I was expected and welcomed, as if I had been lost and now was found.
The heavy shackles of sadness, hatred, jealousy and envy had slipped off my shoulders fallen away. With no bodily restriction, no earthy halter, no resentment, no disapproval. Only lightness lifted me like a summer breeze takes hold of a lock of hair. No need for tears as I gave thanks in my reflection that I had done my best during my life time, that I had given love freely and worked hard to lead a good life, as I was taught by my family, schools and church. All my failings, though noted at the times I had slipped, were wafted away.
In the morning I woke with tears streaming down my face, which contradicts what I have recalled from my short visit to heaven. I was not crying because I had not after all, gone on my final journey. It was more the weight of my earthy pain and stress sliding over my shoulders and back into my heart and I cry now as I write.
I give thanks here and now for the love I have constantly freely given from my husband and all who do care about me. I do not think that my experience was a dream, I am sure it was not, I know that I have been to heaven. I have felt the true love of heaven and all my personal dear departed family and friends; my lovely dad, my mum and her five sisters, Lily, Violet, Nelly-May, Gladys-Ivy and dear Betty-Pansy all of whom were a huge part of my life. My brother Peter who cared and protected me through my childhood. My best friend Joyce from my teen years, laughing as we jived for hours on end and cried at the movies together, who died before she was thirty of cancer. The many other friends and family who all died too soon.
The bottom line here is that having been part of a mystic trailer to the heavenly scene, the main feature promised to us for the future; I do not fear death at all because I know what happiness awaits. I will continue to try my best the live a good life for as long I am strong enough to be of use.
Be kind, give thanks, give love where you can.
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