Stopping to think

 

It is always at about is time of year, when I am checking that everything is looking as though all the thought and planning is coming together and looking good. Then I halt in my tracks and think; 'Oh my God' that race programme looks massive! What have I done? Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

But then I get back to the old, what will be, will be, attitude. Piece by piece the plan looks like fun, lots of exciting travel, new places to see. Still I think it looks like a lot of events, but I reason that all I can do is take one step at a time, one day at a time. After all I have been training all through the winter and have got through all the horrible short dark days that take their toll on me. I admit to probably being one of many people who suffer a little bit with the S.A.D syndrome. I keep all the lights on to stop myself sinking into a fit of the gloomies.

Spring is coming though, the signs are all there. It stays light for longer in the afternoons. Even though we have had some horrendous storms and trees have been brought down, fields and peoples homes flooded and the Sea Road is covered with pebbles. Yet the Daffodil's are bursting into flower, yellow trumpets blaring 'spring is coming'. Some trees are bearing blossom already. I should be reassured.

I must stand by what I have committed to and should therefore push past the moments when I question myself. For goodness sake I am only one year older than I was for last years races. EEEK! Panic. Pray. Calm down for pity's sake girl. Get a grip.

This is my pre-season call for confidence and strength. I wrote it years ago but it is one of my poems that I turn back to many times. I have changed it here and there, now and again but the content is stone solidly full of my fears that I must overcome, little change there then.

Archangel

Will there be an angel above to watch over me

as I pursue my continually active path.

Will my angel be pleased with what in me they see?

Will my enemies ever see my guardian’s wrath?

My angel knows me well but I can only dream

as to how my heavenly partner would appear,

do I fit with the Almighty’s planned scheme?

Or do both God and Angel think me queer?

Ultimately I am left with a freedom of will;

making the best of each branch of life’s tree.

Just try my hardest my dreams to fulfill

as I launch myself into an earthly Grand Prix.

Hold firm in my mind what I think is the theme

Then ride the waves and heaven help me steer.

If I’m wrong let the angel send a warning beam

and check the reins for a path more austere.

Demeanour be approved as I ride a wild sea

protect me with your sword held high in goodwill;

Your armour glinting as I run before you free

send me your warnings via a plucked wing quill.

Gold Angel tresses reflect in sunlight’s gleam

mighty wings wafting my spirit with good cheer.

Pray for my safety and find it in my celestial team,

with perseverance push and hope the way is clear.

Fight for success ‘til the end of the mission see

gather interest from my training hours drill.

God give me strength I ask on bended knee

push on doggedly my focus kept on icy chill.

The Archangel rides on, inside my soul’s sphere

and has my back, as I feel tender muscles scream.

Then at last the end is in sight, to the finish veer

to complete the work so many think extreme.