Declaration of intent

Declaration of Intent

 

She had always said,

As she sat in her chair

Or propped up in bed

That she would live

Until she was a hundred

That is what she said

 So frequently to me

It filled me with dread

That she could still be there

As I aged too you see

She would loudly declare

For any that were there

To get it in their head

That she would not be dead

For years yet so if

You thought she would be

Better become aware

She would still be fed

And cared for in her bed

Still more care to give

With ten more years to live

So imagine my surprise

Now she is not alive

I believed her when she said

How long she could thrive

That she would survive

‘Til she was a hundred years

Yet suddenly she was dead

And eyes so full of tears

 

 

The Presentation of the Rose 

It became the custom over time together

To make a gift of the years first Rose

Having suffered all of winters weather

When another chance of rebirth arose

 

To step firmly forward and try again

Not an olive branch but a simple rose

Close confinement can become a pain

To start again in each spring I chose 

Faintly veiled offering of renewed peace

I watched it growing my pretty Rose

She pained as infirmity would increase

A sacrifice from me to her I suppose 

Taking the single bud up to give

Minds last weak fight to keep my Rose

Past moods and hurtful words to forgive

Her elderly last resort effort to oppose 

Giving and receiving done with good grace

The glorious beauty of this newest Rose

Hope temper can take a slower pace

As one heart gives love and another froze

 

 

Light at the end of the tunnel

My BlogSpot has been inactive for a very long time.  This came about for a couple of reasons; the first was that I had embarked upon my 75 x 75 Mini Triathlon Challenge and it pretty soon became apparent to me that if I was doing a small triathlon every day for seventy five days there would not be much time for any other hobby activities. The 1000metre swim/15km bike/3km run was enough to keep me busy bearing in mind the rest of my busy life; working and caring for Steve's mum. The Charity tri's that raised well over £6000.00 for the Chestnut Tree House Children's Hospice near to my home and business. The fund raising worked well and got plenty of publicity that helped the fund raising enormously.

The final day was my 75th birthday on August 14th last year, 2014. on that day lots of my friends came down to the sea front either join me for the last one or to stand and shout encouragement on the promenade in Littlehampton. Even my original GB team manager Ian Pettit came done to join me.

Once that was over, my main focus landed on the lead up to the ITU World Triathlon Championships in Edmonton Canada just a few weeks after my big challenge. My husband/coach Steve flew to Edmonton on August 28th and the Standard Distance Age Group Triathlon Championships were held in Hawrelak Park on that bank holiday Monday September 1st.

Transition opened at 5am which meant that the older age group women then had a four hour wait in a very cold park before our wave start at 9.08am. At the race briefing it was stated that competitors could not put on a coat for the bike and take it off for the run. Any coat should also have been transparent so that the national tri suit colours and the athletes number could be seen.

I did well in the race and I think in all honesty that it was partly due to being a Brit! I did not have a coat anyway, or arm warmers. It was cold. It did rain. And at 75 years and 17 days I was wearing just my thin lycra GB tri suit. The older women from the USA somehow managed to get away with wearing their track suit coat, that was not transparent and also should have kept it on for the run. Good job their team manager! So I was thankful for being a hardy soul from the UK since I won my age group 54 MINUTES, not seconds, ahead of the next woman in my age group... which makes me 2014 World Champion in the 75-79 age group. Steve and I left chilly Edmonton the next day for a few days holiday in Quebec that we loved to bits. A few days after that race in Edmonton, the race organisers posted a photo of the event van standing there in a couple of feet of good looking snow.

By the end of September when autumn began Steve's 94 year old mum was definitely seeming to move into a serious decline. I will not go into the manner of the decline because it was too unpleasant to rake over again. She became very frail by the end of October and November was seriously horrid for her and those caring for her. She had three trips in to hospital in rapid succession and the third time was a stay in Worthing Hospital, where she was so kindly looked after for the last five days of her life.

People just don't know what to say to you when a parent dies. A lot of people said," Its so hard, even when you are expecting it". I was not expecting it. Mother had told me endlessly through her life that she intended to live to a hundred, and I believed her. It was hard. She had lived with us in our home for twenty two quite difficult years and ten years before that almost together with us since she was in an adjoining cottage with a shared garden. She was in fact a freaking miracle since she drank spirits, smoked most of her life, ate whatever she like and would not be fed healthy food, never did any exercise, stayed up half the night, slept in late.

Even though we were not always the best of friends, I did my best to look after her, do my duty if you like. I did pretty much everything for her, washing, ironing, shopping, cleaning. It was me she turned to with any difficulty, me she asked to help as she became an invalid, me she called out for when she was feeling ill.

It has taken me a surprising amount of time to get myself together and back into a normal life, with hobbies in, for it was my mind saving poetry that disappeared completely for months. Without my sport, and my husband keeping me training, which is an everyday affair; swim-run one day, bike the next, no days off bar those that muscle their way into life. So were it not for that discipline and being the main office wallah of our Antiques business, I might never have drifted back into my writing.

Still There 

Still heard

Now and then,

A movement

A knock, a soft bang

The feeling is strong

 Bump the skirting board,

As she skittles along

Sitting on her walker

So dangerously. 

Urgent pace

But still

Sloth pace

In reality.

A force of will

Late night route

To the bathroom. 

A sneeze

A word

Hello-o, hello-o!

So used to the sound

From the years and years

She was around.

I hear her yet

Her voice

Her chair,

Up, up, up

Then down, down, down

She fails to operate

Control of the chair.

Never left

In the ‘Up’ position

Set for what or where?

Appearances?

Her decision. 

The thousand times

She woke me up

From my early night

And her, the late bird

Hello-o, Hello-o

Every noise a house can make

Now she is gone

Another take….

Or is she?

Will she ever be?

Shelter

My Mini Tri Challenge has been going well and fund raising shows that since the total raised now stands at £3665 and that is very pleasing. Number 23 was completed this morning which makes it 30% done and that is very satisfying too. Fingers, eyes and legs crossed, I can report that I am feeling fine apart from a being little bit more tired than usual and that I am starving hungry most of the time.
The two offerings today are the result of my attempt to stick out a whole evening at poetry and book reading evening last night. It was originally set to be in a theatre and was changed then to a studio and finally to a bar in the theatre. I don't go in bars very often but that is not to say that I don't enjoy a glass or two of wine with a meal. This evening was on a sweltering summer evening in an upstairs room into which the sunlight was pouring. There was a room full of people that I did not know and I was alone. I thought I was going to pass out and make a scene but thankfully I made it to the interval when I made my getaway. By the time I got home I was sweating in an unladylike fashion, my ears were ringing horrendously and I was glad that Steve presented me with a large strawberry ice cream to cool me down.

Panic 

Panic

Floods my being

Hearing the buzz and seeing

The group of people gathered there

In the theatre bar to where

I now feel I have mistakenly come

By my normal measure and rule of thumb 

Panic

Almost has me on the run

There is no way I will find this fun

Torturous feeling have taken hold

Hidden at the back not comfortable in this fold 

Panic

In case somebody comes over to talk

If I see one coming I’ll run not walk

Stay for a while and give it a chance

Dare I look up and catch a glance

 

 

Shelter

I am just a child

Not much more than a toddler

Where I sleep is in what they call

The front room.

My bed almost fills the room,

An old standard issue iron air raid shelter.

Upstairs I have a room where I can play

My toys are there

The bed is not made up, bare.

Once I am bathed

And in my flannelette nightie

Mother pulls the blackout curtains

And lights the gas fire

Turns it down low for a while

She must turn it off later

When she goes to bed.

Sometimes I hear the siren

It goes off in the night

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor live next door

I hear them through the adjoining wall

He shouts very loudly to his wife.

“The bombs is droppin’ mother

Have to go down to the shelter”.

“What d’ya say”? She shouts back

Her voice all trembly.

“The bombs is dropping mother,

THE BOMBS IS DROPPIN’.

The bombs were dropping.

My mum and brother

Have come downstairs

They get in bed with me

We all cuddle each other

That bit is nice.

My dad isn’t there,

He is a soldier,

A sergeant in the army.

He comes home sometimes.

I wake again and they have left

And its quiet.

 

 

 

 

A View on Sunday

Today is the start of the second week of my 75 Mini Triathlon Challenge, this was day number 8 and also, at the turn around point of the 12 km bike ride which is the end of Lavinia Drive it meant that 10% has been completed. I feel pretty happy about that, a marker passed. Beautiful day for it the only slight glitch was the man in the pool who had failed to understand the meaning of the words 'Public Swimming Pool'. He was a large man and did breast stroke that reached over one lane wide and insisted in having that entire area to himself. The three of us swam 1000 metres front crawl in a space that was one slim person's body width wide. We call this 'Lane Rage'. We did not make a scene. We passed each other in sideways slithers peacefully co-operating and leaving him all the room he wanted. The bike and run went very well, the beautiful day being appreciated by swarms of people all out early walking, jogging, biking and even a paddle boarder all making the most of such a wonderful day. Coffee followed watching the swans showing off their brood of six fluffy grey cygnets.
  

A View on Sunday 

A simple lush meadow looks somehow

Un-blemished by a horse or a cow

This sunny mid July morning

Strikes me to a halt my thoughts forewarning. 

There is a tight, thick, round stand of trees

Shaped like a cottage loaf looking at distant seas

Peacefully posing centre stage they pause

As if receiving audience applause. 

The formal group stand surrounded

By the greenest green crop bounded

Like a huge theatre set here

As if a principle dancer would appear 

With thick dark green trees

Only hinting at a waft of breeze

Diminishing to the bluest blue sky

Quietly in wait as they grow so high  

Standing like waves stepping out of the wings

A still vista yet bursting with life it springs

Slow to depart, so perfect is the scene

The strange sad drama of the verdant sheen

Calm

Having just waited for a while the thunder and lightning to stop!!!!!
Sea swim to start of tri this morning. Experimental route. Usual club swim start out to the basket, then out to the new buoy that has been placed to mark the outer edge of the brand new Shingle Bank that nature built during the storms last winter. So in case anybody else is wondering. No you cannot stand again at that point. Current running enthusiastically. On approaching the beach, we noticed that somebody had formed a word on the shoreline using Cuttlefish, we thought at first that it said Denmark! Blimey I thought that current WAS strong. But it was the name of another swim club- Aardvarks. Then on to the bikes. Got totally drenched again and sang several verses and choruses of Singing In The Rain. Slowly stopped raining during the run. Mini Tri Number 7. Done yesterday, number 7. starts in an hour from now.

 

Calm 

Wanting the sun to shine all through the day to sunset’s glows

Passing from day to day as smoothly as a ballerina’s glissade

An evening of your favourite music shows

An opera, Tosca, or Carmen’s highs and lows

Waiting for something calmly is much more hard. 

More likely to ponder it when in an absent minded state

We realise the world at large is a far from ideal place

We know that for certain such is fate

Art is merely therapy soothing away troubles brought of late

I see too soon that we all dread the final place to which we race.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Out of the Woods

Well, after all the dreaming and planning this fairly big Challenge of mine it is finally underway. The project was a year in the making and I have been accused of being totally insane on a good number of occasions.

Today is Day 5. Of Daf's Mini Tri Challenge. There were times when it seemed impossible but after the first few are now in the bag, I am starting to feel happier about the whole thing. The first couple of days were sunny and pleasant but then on the third day it was a little colder and it rained. The weather on day 4 was seriously bad and though I put my bike shoes in the airing cupboard over night they were still damp earlier today but I consoled myself by thinking about the guys doing the Giro D'Italia that I watched for the duration and it seemed to rain most of the day, most days, as well as climbing into the snow up huge mountain passes. So my efforts are humble in comparison. 70 Mini Tri's to go.

All of my efforts are a way of celebrating the fact that although I am approaching my 75th birthday I am also in pretty good health.... maybe a few pounds overweight but otherwise quite sound. All this is for charity www.justgiving.com/Daphne-Belt

This poem comes from my struggle last year to get back to fitness after a fall out running that left me in plaster for a while. We all have times when doubts fill our heads but like the weather recently things do change and its possible to focus again and move forward.

Out of the Woods 

Into the woods in fates dark sight

A less than easy path to take

Hidden there through fear and fright

Shadows sew a fiendish mistake

The cause and blame are mine outright

Acknowledged and unwelcome keepsake

Doubt careening uncontrolled, finite

What way, what way, what way retake 

Secret emotions held in tight

Slipping behind all standards fake

What ill disease has brought this blight

False impressions outward make

Terror tearing past contrite

In disorientated confidence quake

Lost and helpless lonely plight

What way, what way, what way retake 

Menacing phantom stands in limelight

Is it real this tight coiled snake

Despairing search up in starlight

Or can I from this nightmare wake

Take courage dragging soul to fight

And from the embers fire make

Take strengths firm hold to make all right

What way, this way your path remake 

Summon less feeble spirit bright

Come destiny flooding a smoother lake

Forge back the darkness push back the night

Pull back, the empty reserves forsake

All cowardice in banishing excite

Responsibility is mine for pity’s sake

Out of the woods and into the light

Pride in this victory is wide awake

 

Archangel

Archangel 

Will there be an angel above to watch over me

As I pursue my continually active path

Will my angel be pleased with what in me they see?

Will my enemies ever see my guardian’s wrath? 

My angel knows me well but I can only dream

As to how my heavenly partner would appear

Do I fit in with the almighty’s well planned scheme?

Or do both God and angel think me very queer 

Ultimately I am left with a freedom of will

Making the best of each branch of life’s tree

Just try my hardest my dreams to fulfil

As I launch myself onto an earthly Grand Prix 

Hold on in my mind to what I think is the theme

Now ride the waves and heaven help me steer

If I’m wrong let the angel send a warning beam

And check the reins for a path more austere 

Demeanour be approved as I ride adventure’s sea

Protect me with your sword held high in goodwill

Your armour glinting as I run before you free

Send me your warnings via a plucked wing quill 

Angel tresses of gold reflect in sunlight gleam

Mighty wings wafting my spirit with good cheer

Pray for my safety and find it in my celestial team

With perseverance push and hope the way is clear  

Fight for success ‘til the end of the mission see

Gather interest now from my training hours drill

God give me strength I ask on bended knee

Push on doggedly my focus kept on icy chill 

The Archangel rides on inside my poor soul’s sphere

And has my back as I feel each tender muscle scream

Then at last the end is in sight and to the finish veer

To complete our work that so many think extreme